Counseling Services

Attachment Issues

Under normal circumstances, virtually all children will bond to a parent (or a parental figure) when given the opportunity to do so. But a variety of damaging things can so deter a child from bonding that it will slowly and painfully learn to settle for less relational connection than he or she actually needs. This will create lasting issues in this child’s life, easily reaching into adulthood, leaving the person unable to figure out how to form meaningful relationships.

At the worst end of the spectrum are children or adults who are totally withdrawn emotionally and have no capacity for empathy. This happened when a child is severely neglected or abused, but such drastic cases are by no means the only serious cases of attachment problems. Generally, psychologists speak of three over-arching categories to indicate the degree of a child’s attachment: secure, insecure, and detached. These same basic categories can be translated for adults as well, and have been helpful in understanding struggles people encounter in romantic relationships as well.

If a parent is depressed or unresponsive emotionally to a child for significant amounts of time during any part of its childhood, the child will suffer emotionally. Initially, like with food, this will look like anger and moodiness because the child is starved relationally. But eventually, the child will stop expecting to be tended to emotionally, which if gone untreated, will leave a person with a deep seated, and yet accustomed, sense of isolation. This naturally leads to depression and anxiety in later life, not to mention an inescapable ambivalence about getting close to people.

Let Grace Clinic help you or your family through the issues of attachment that are affecting your growth and maturity in the Lord.

Recommended Reading

Becoming Attached: First Relationships and How They Shape Our Capacity to Love by Robert Karen

Secure Base: Parent-Child Attachment and Healthy Development by John Bowlby

Attachments: Why You Love, Feel, and Act the Way You Do by Dr. Tim Clinton & Dr. Gary Sibcy

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