Counseling Services

Co-Dependency

At its core, Co-Dependency enslaves a person to the actions and reactions of another. This style of relating often begins in childhood where a child grows up in a family with an addicted or compulsive parent or caregiver, who, naturally, is also emotionally neglectful. There, the child must continually attune him or herself to the ever-changing, ever-unstable demands of the parent, and hopelessly attempt to try and get its needs for care and belonging met. So, the child is never given the opportunity to develop his or her own sense of personhood independent of the chaos of the person they are most dependent upon. Eventually, this attunement to external chaos becomes habitual and then, in its familiarity, it becomes preferable. For this reason, saddly, Co-Dependency is often unrecognized by the person doing it.

In that way, the co-dependent person becomes addicted, not to a destructive substance, but to a destructive pattern of relating to others. Often the co-dependant actually seeks out unstable relationships to control, pacify, or manage, and in doing so enjoys a fleeting (and familiar) sense of feeling needed. Co-dependents develop a martyr complex, believing that they must be willing to suffer, at all costs, to rescue their object of obsession. Often this results in confusing feelings of anger, depression, and hopelessness, wrapped in the illusion of love. If this sounds familiar, Grace Clinic would honor the opportunity to begin a journey towards relating honestly with oneself, others, and God.

Recommended Reading

From Bondage to Bonding by Nancy Groom

Love is a Choice by Robert Hemfelt

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